remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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