He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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