Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
