Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
