no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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