I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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