Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
