loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
