Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
