This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
