At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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