I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
