he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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