i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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