I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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