i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
