If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
