college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
