My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
