Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
