I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
