Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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