Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
