No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
They have beer where we have blood.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
