youre lurking in front of me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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