I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
