sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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