I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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