i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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