Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
