So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
