I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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