just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Drake has all the answers
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
