We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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