i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
