I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I intend to get homeless drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
