did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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