You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
