You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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