Its about making memories worth repressing
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
