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I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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