You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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