my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
