So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
