So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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