so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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