My liver just broke up with me...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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