I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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