So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
