Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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