just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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