I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
