dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
