Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
