no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
