Cold hands, warm shart.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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