I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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