So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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