My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
