Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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