once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
