Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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