that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
