Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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